Dating over 70 with a health condition

By your seventies, a hearing aid, a stent, a new hip, tablets for blood pressure or a diagnosis of diabetes are more ordinary than unusual. The person you meet is quite likely to be living with something too. A health condition changes the practicalities of dating; it doesn't change whether you are worth getting to know.

Do you need to mention it in your profile?

No. Your profile is about who you are, what you enjoy and who you'd like to meet, and a diagnosis doesn't belong in the headline. A light mention can still save explanations later if your condition shapes what you can do. For example (examples, not real profiles):

• "Since my knee operation, I'm more of a gentle stroll than a hill walker, but I'll happily walk to a good pub."
• "I wear hearing aids, so I'm a fan of quiet cafés and I'm better on video than on the phone."

Something like that tells the right person what to expect, without making the condition the story.

When should you tell someone, and how much?

Mention a condition when it starts to affect plans; save the full story for when you know each other better. If you can't manage stairs, say so before choosing a restaurant. If you tire by mid-afternoon, suggest a late-morning coffee. Most people appreciate the honesty and the practical approach.

Deeper conversations about a diagnosis, an uncertain outlook or treatment can wait. You decide how much to share and when. A rough guide:

Plain words work best. Two examples:

"Before we meet, I should mention I have a heart condition. It's well managed, but I'm not up to long walks, so a café would suit me better."

"I have Parkinson's, so my hands shake a bit. It looks worse than it feels, and I'd rather you heard it from me."

Planning days out around it

A good date for someone with a health condition is simply a well-chosen one: level, seated, quiet enough to talk, and easy to get to and leave.

• Choose places you know. Somewhere with seating, nearby toilets and level access takes the worry out of the day.
• Pick your best time of day. If you're brighter in the morning, meet then.
• Plan around medication and meals. If you need to eat at set times, for example with diabetes, choose a lunch date rather than an afternoon walk.
• Ask your pharmacist about alcohol. Some medicines don't mix well with a drink; it's worth knowing before you order.
• Check the journey. Parking, bus routes, the distance from the car park to the door.
• Have a plan B. Agree that either of you can postpone without fuss if you're having a bad day. A message such as "Not my best day today; could we move to Thursday?" is all it takes.

Our guide to planning a first date has ideas that suit most energy levels, and meeting a date safely covers the precautions worth taking whatever your health.

If you have hearing or sight loss

Hearing loss makes noisy places hard work, so choose quiet ones and say which side is your better ear. Sit with your back to the wall so you can see their face, and ask for a table away from the coffee machine. A video call before you meet can be easier than the phone because you can see the person speak, and some services can show live captions.

If you find phone calls difficult, Relay UK lets you type while a relay assistant speaks for you. In an emergency, the emergencySMS service lets you contact 999 by text, but only once you have registered, by texting "register" to 999. RNID explains how to contact 999 or 111 if you are deaf or have hearing loss. Do it now, not on the day you need it.

With sight loss, choose a venue you know well, and say if you'd find it helpful to be met at the door. Most phones and tablets can read messages aloud; a family member can show you how. The RNIB Helpline on 0303 123 9999 can advise on technology and everyday living.

When they have a condition too

Two people with health conditions can be a very good match: you each understand without needing it explained. Be curious and kind, ask what helps, and don't assume you know. Take their lead on how much they want to talk about it.

If things become serious, talk early about what you would each expect if one of you became more unwell. Some couples choose to keep their own homes for exactly this reason; our guide to living apart together covers the practical and legal side, and dating while you are caring for someone is there if caring becomes part of the picture.

Intimacy

Some relationships later in life are about companionship; others include a sexual relationship, and that is just as normal at 75 as at 45. Health conditions and medicines can affect desire and comfort, for men and women alike. It is worth knowing that:

• your GP or a pharmacist can talk through medication side effects, erection problems or vaginal dryness, which are common and often treatable
• NHS sexual health clinics are free and confidential, you don't need a GP referral, and they are for adults of any age
• condoms still matter with a new partner, because sexually transmitted infections affect people at any age, even when pregnancy is no longer a concern

Go at a pace that suits you both, and talk about it plainly. A good partner will want to know what feels comfortable. Outside the UK, your own doctor or local sexual health service is the place to start.

If someone reacts badly

Occasionally someone will lose interest when they hear about a condition. It hurts, but it is better to know early, and it says more about their circumstances, or their fears, than about you.

Be wary, too, of anyone you meet online who quickly tells you about a dramatic illness of their own, especially one that needs money for treatment abroad. That is a familiar script in romance scams, and no genuine partner asks someone they have never met to pay a hospital bill.

Support and someone to talk to

The Age UK Advice Line can help with practical questions about health, care and money on 0800 678 1602, 8am to 7pm every day. If you'd just like a chat, the Silver Line is free and confidential for people aged 55 and over, 24 hours a day, on 0800 4 70 80 90. There's more for this stage of life in the over-70s section, including dating in your eighties.