Meeting a date safely

Most first dates over 60 are exactly what they look like: a pleasant hour over coffee with someone who is a little nervous too. These habits are not about expecting the worst. They mean that if something does feel wrong, you are already in a position to walk away.

Before the day: what to check

Before you agree to meet, make sure you have seen and heard the person on video, and that you have kept your personal details to yourself.

• Video call first. Ten minutes on video confirms the person looks like their photos and gives you a sense of how you get on. If they keep finding reasons not to, take that seriously; it is one of the commonest signs of a romance scam. Our guide to video calls shows how to set one up.
• Keep your details to yourself. Your first name and the area you live in are enough. Your home address, where you bank and anything about your finances can wait until you know someone well.
• Agree the plan in writing. A message saying where and when means there is a record, and no muddle on the day.

Questions worth settling on that video call, in your own words:

• Where do you live, roughly, and how would you get to the café?
• What does a good afternoon look like for you?
• Is there anything that would make the day easier for you, such as parking, seating or a quieter table?

If you have a health condition yourself, our guide to dating with a health condition covers choosing a venue that suits you.

Choosing where to meet

Pick somewhere public, busy and familiar to you, in daytime if you can. Good choices include a café you like, a hotel lounge, a garden centre with a tearoom or a museum café, and you won't be travelling home in the dark.

Our guide to planning a first date has ideas that are both safe and enjoyable, and our UK guide to where over-60s meet lists groups and dances where you might arrange a second outing.

Tell someone you trust

Before you go, tell a friend or relative three things, so that someone always knows where you are.

• who you are meeting, with their profile name and a screenshot of their photo
• where you are going and roughly when you expect to leave
• when you will ring or text to say you are home

Most smartphones can share your location with one chosen person for a set time, for example with Find My on an iPhone or location sharing in Google Maps. It is worth asking a grandchild or neighbour to show you how before the day.

An example message to a friend: "Meeting Pat from the dating site at the Riverside Café, 11am Thursday. Profile photo attached. I'll text you by 2."

On the day

Travel independently and keep your phone, your drink and your belongings close.

• Travel independently. Drive yourself, take a taxi or use public transport, so you are never relying on your date to get home.
• Keep your phone charged and in your pocket or bag, not on the table where it can be forgotten.
• Go easy on the drink. One glass is plenty when you are meeting someone new.
• Keep an eye on your belongings and your drink, as you would anywhere.
• Pay your share if you like. It keeps things clear, and nobody should feel owed anything at the end of a first date.

If something feels wrong

You do not need a reason to leave, and you do not need to explain. A line such as "It was nice to meet you, but I'm going to head off now" is enough. If you feel uneasy, ask a member of staff for help, or call a taxi from the counter.

If you are ever in danger, call 999. If you call from a mobile and can't speak, listen to the operator and press 55 when prompted; the Silent Solution will put you through to the police. If you are deaf or find speaking difficult, you can register in advance for the emergencySMS service by texting "register" to 999.

Afterwards, if someone behaved badly, asked for money or wasn't who they said they were, report their profile through the help centre with their username and what happened. The contact page explains how.

If they cancel at the last minute or don't turn up

A late cancellation now and then is ordinary life; a pattern of them is a warning sign. If someone repeatedly arranges to meet and then pulls out, especially with a dramatic reason such as a sudden trip abroad, an accident or a problem with money, treat it as you would a camera that never works. Don't wait at the table for more than twenty minutes, don't send anything to "help them get there", and tell a friend what happened.

The second and third dates

As you get to know someone, it is natural to relax. Still, keep a few things in place until you are sure: meet in public, keep your money and your home separate, and keep a friend in the picture. Going to each other's homes, or away together for a weekend, can come when you both feel ready.

If anything about a new partner makes you uneasy, the UK has a "right to ask". In England and Wales, the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, known as Clare's Law, lets you ask the police whether a partner has a history of abusive behaviour. Scotland has the Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland, and Northern Ireland the Domestic Violence and Abuse Disclosure Scheme.

And whatever stage you have reached, the same rule applies as on day one: never send money to someone you have only met online, and be wary of anyone who asks, however long you have known them. Our main safety guide lists who to call in each part of the UK.